Zen is a practice that helps us see reality as it truly is. Yet, our ability to perceive truth is often clouded by three key factors: aversion, attachment, and ignorance. Aversion and attachment, in particular, are two sides of the same coin. Today, let’s explore attachment and how shifting to preference can transform the way we navigate life.
What is Attachment?
Attachment arises when we cling to specific outcomes, people, or ideas, believing that our happiness or sense of self depends on them. This clinging creates suffering because it resists the impermanence of life and distorts our perception of reality.
Imagine holding a rope being pulled away from you. The harder you cling, the more it burns your hands. This is the nature of attachment—holding too tightly causes unnecessary pain.
How Attachment Causes Suffering
When we attach, we tie our well-being to something outside ourselves. We might say, “I’ll be happy when I achieve this goal,” or “I can’t be content without this person or outcome.” These thoughts create resistance to the flow of life, leaving us frustrated and disconnected when things don’t go our way.
Shifting from Attachment to Preference
Preference, on the other hand, is a more balanced and flexible way of engaging with life. Preferences allow us to favor certain outcomes while remaining unattached to the result. Our happiness is no longer dependent on external circumstances, freeing us to flow with life’s natural impermanence.
When we transform attachment into preference, we embrace life as it is, cultivating clarity and balance. This shift enables us to engage deeply with the present moment without entanglement, helping us navigate life with grace, wisdom, and equanimity.
How to Drop Attachment
Dealing with attachment begins by sitting with it as it is—a practice Zen refers to as sonomama, or allowing things to be. Here are two practical steps to help soften attachment:
Recognize When Attachment Arises
Notice the signs: a strong emotional pull, resistance to letting go, or the belief that your happiness depends on a specific outcome. Awareness is the first step to loosening attachment.
Use Discomfort as a Practice Ground
When things don’t align with your preference:
Sit with the sensations and thoughts that arise.
Observe them without judgment or suppression.
Allow them to come and go like clouds passing through the sky.
Through this practice, the grip of attachment begins to soften, and over time, you build greater ease, openness, and resilience in facing life’s challenges. Loosen and Soften
Attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin. True freedom emerges when we ease our grip on what we must possess and soften our resistance to what we wish to avoid. By transforming attachment into preference and aversion into understanding, we cultivate the flexibility to embrace life’s impermanence with an open heart.
Zen practice encourages us to loosen and soften—not by retreating from life, but by engaging with it more openly and harmoniously. This gentle shift creates the space for clarity, peace, and freedom to arise naturally.
What attachments can you begin to soften today? You may uncover a profound sense of freedom and a deeper connection to the present moment by simply noticing and leaving them as they are.
Freedom begins when we loosen our grip on what we believe we need. What attachments/aversions can you soften today?

words and photo by K E I K O
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