When thoughts based on being a victim or feeling weak arise, that's just the way you are now. It’s okay to have these thoughts. No judgment. Be gentle to yourself. Leave it as it is. SONOMAMA (it is as it is)… let it be. Thoughts are appearing and disappearing. And that's it. 😂
So, today, let's talk about the mechanism of victim mentality. If we consider "the way it is” in two forms: 1) pure reality: the reality before human cognition and understanding—for example, a newborn baby's state. A baby doesn’t distinguish between itself and others and has no judgment; everything is connected. Gradually, babies develop cognitive abilities and learn to differentiate. 2) Reality of human life: Human beings label things to interpret and give meaning to them. For instance, a chair, a car, a dog, a cat, a man, a woman, a Japanese, an American, a child, a parent, a mountain, the sea, love, hate, the universe, and so on. Social life can't function without this labeling; it's an essential function of human life. However, this labeling also creates illusions.
One of the most painful labels is "I am a victim." When you feel pitiful, powerless, like a failure, mistreated, or attribute your state to something else, you create a victim mentality and label yourself as such. This triggers your brain to link past “similar” experiences that reinforce "I am pitiful," creating a grand narrative of victimhood that you start believing as true. Though it is miserable, sad, and painful, this “poor me” story becomes something you depend on. Consequently, you further strengthen and believe in this weak/victim story, identifying more with the label and depending on it more. Despite being a complete illusion, you fall into this trap. Victim mentality is insidious because unconsciously labeling yourself as a victim allows you to avoid facing reality, providing temporary escapism. The sweetness of this escape makes you depend on the illusion. It’s like being the tragic heroine😭. I was trapped in this illusion for a long time. Questions like "Why doesn't my mother understand me?", "Why does my husband treat me in this disrespectful way?" "Why is society unfair?", "Why does God give me/us such hard lives?” are all beginnings of victim mentality 😂
Of course, when victim thoughts arise, that’s just the way they are now. Let them be. That's 100% perfect. It’s okay to have the thoughts. It will eventually disappear. However, these thoughts can be quite persistent 😅 The tricky part is that the person doesn’t realize it’s a self-created illusion and believes it to be true. These illusions heavily distort your perspective of reality and prevent facing reality, becoming an excuse to avoid reality, thus trapping you in the illusion and making you miss the gold in front of you.
The distinction between illusion and reality becomes clear by continuing SONOMAMA (as-it-is-ness) practices, which are ZEN-based. You stop layering illusion upon illusion blindly. When thoughts come, knowing them as illusions means you stop feeding them. By not feeding any thoughts, they appear and disappear clearly. Continuing this practice will reveal that our reality is created by our perceptions. Even if the victim story appears, you’ll recognize it as an illusion and let it pass without getting absorbed. This will free you from self-created suffering, realizing you were already free. Start by peeling off your labels one by one, moving closer to pure facts. Gradually, you’ll be liberated from illusions and realize that true freedom is already present.
Finally, once you've removed your victim label, remove the victim labels from others. Creating a world without victims or perpetrators starts with you. Because the world reflects your inner state, I understand you mean no harm, but consider if your sense of justice, self-centered kindness, or conditional love is causing you to pity others or label them as victims. Trusting others’ fundamental being, being with them, and waiting for them, no matter the situation, is needed. That’s love.
As I liberate myself, you, too, will be liberated. And so, everyone will be liberated.
🙏🏼
Telluride in Colorado
Words and Photography by K E I K O
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