When thoughts of being a victim or feeling weak arise, take a moment to recognize them. That’s simply where you are right now, and it’s okay. No judgment. Be gentle with yourself. Leave it as it is. Sonomama (as-it-is)… let it be. Thoughts appear and disappear naturally. And that’s it. 😂
Understanding the Victim Mentality
Let’s explore the mechanism of victim mentality by examining “the way it is” in two forms:
Pure Reality: This is the reality before human cognition and interpretation—like the state of a newborn baby. A baby doesn’t distinguish between itself and others; there’s no judgment or separation. Everything is simply connected. Over time, as cognitive abilities develop, humans begin to differentiate and categorize.
The Reality of Human Life: As we grow, we label and interpret the world to make sense of it. We name and categorize things—chairs, cars, love, hate, mountains, the sea, nations, people. This labeling is essential for functioning in society, but it also creates illusions.
One of the most painful illusions is the label: I am a victim.
When we feel powerless, pitiful, mistreated, or attribute our circumstances to external forces, we create and reinforce this victim label. Our brains, eager to find patterns, connect past experiences to support this narrative: I am weak, I am mistreated, I am a failure. This story, while painful, becomes oddly comforting—a role we cling to, much like a tragic heroine in a drama.
Yet, this narrative is entirely an illusion.
The Trap of Victim Mentality
Victim mentality is seductive. It offers temporary relief by shifting blame outward, helping us avoid the discomfort of facing reality. It whispers: Why doesn’t my mother understand me? Why does my partner treat me this way? Why is society unfair? But this escapism comes at a cost—it distorts our perspective and keeps us trapped in the illusion.
When these thoughts arise, let them be. That’s 100% perfect. Acknowledge them without judgment. They will eventually fade. But beware—they can be persistent and convincing, making the illusion feel like truth.
By believing in this story, we miss the gold of reality right in front of us.
Breaking Free with Sonomama
The distinction between illusion and reality becomes clear through the practice of sonomama—a Zen-based approach of embracing things as they are. When thoughts arise, don’t layer illusion upon illusion. Instead, recognize them as fleeting appearances.
When you stop feeding these thoughts, they naturally fade away. With consistent practice, you’ll see how your perceptions shape your reality. Even if the victim story reappears, you’ll recognize it as an illusion and let it pass without getting absorbed. This practice frees you from self-created suffering and reveals a profound truth: you were already free.
Start by peeling off your labels one by one. Move closer to pure facts. Gradually, you’ll find yourself liberated from illusions and discover that true freedom has always been present.
A World Without Victims or Perpetrators
When you shed the victim label, something remarkable happens: the label of “perpetrator” disappears too. Without victims, there can be no perpetrators.
Creating a world without victims or perpetrators begins with you. This includes removing the victim labels we assign to others. Even when motivated by kindness or justice, pitying someone or labeling them as a victim can unintentionally perpetuate their suffering.
True love and compassion mean trusting in others’ fundamental inner strength. Be with them, support them, and give them the space to find their own path, no matter the situation. That’s love.
Liberation Ripples Outward
As you liberate yourself from the victim mentality, you naturally inspire and liberate others. Your inner transformation reflects outward, creating a world where freedom and harmony thrive.
By peeling away illusions and embracing sonomama, we uncover the truth: liberation is already here.
Let’s walk this path together. As I liberate myself, you, too, will be liberated. And so, everyone will be liberated. 🌟
🙏🏼
Telluride in Colorado
Words and Photography by K E I K O
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