The "Me" in Thought and the True Self

A Gentle Practice of Unraveling the Loops of Criticism and Returning to Sonomama

This reflection explores how the ego—the self-image shaped by thought—grows through repeated criticism and dissatisfaction, and how we can begin to gently unravel it through the practice of sonomama (“as-it-is-ness”), returning to the spacious clarity of pure awareness—the true self.

There are times when we just can’t stop denying something. It feels as though we must oppose or reject something in order to affirm our existence.

But the truth is, we don’t need to deny or compare anything. Everything already stands—just as it is—in wholeness. If there is such a thing as God, Creator, and Universe, then this world was created with nothing missing. It is already complete. And yet, we find ourselves criticizing others, complaining, and insisting on our own sense of rightness.

In those moments, ego—a self-image formed by thought—begins to grow unconsciously. The “me” in our mind starts to take control. The more we repeat the pattern of criticism or complaint, the stronger those mental circuits become. We feel as if we're struggling to push the poison out, desperate to spit it out. But the more we use that route, the more easily we return to it— until one day, we don’t even realize we’re walking that path. That’s why the most important thing is to notice. To simply say: “Ah, I’m sending energy down the circuit of complaint again.” You don’t need to stop it. Just notice. Gently watch it. That soft gaze is what begins to loosen the loop. Complaints and criticism can make us feel strong, as if we’re affirming ourselves. But in truth, it’s like quietly drinking poison.

Even when we don’t say it out loud, just having those thoughts arise pulls our awareness down, makes our breathing shallow, and gradually makes life feel strained. On the other hand, when we choose to forgive, the breath deepens, the body softens, and the heart grows calm. Life becomes gentler. More natural. Resentment and self-denial are also poisons. Telling ourselves “I’m not enough” is like casting a spell on ourselves— a curse that shrinks the space in which we can live. But the more we soften toward ourselves, the less irritation we feel toward others. The heart opens. Love begins to flow again. And within this practice, we begin to encounter a way of being known as sonomama.

Sonomama means: receiving what arises without trying to change it, letting things be. As we continue this practice, the inner resistance and sense of separation gently loosen, and before long, we find ourselves opening into pure awareness. What is pure awareness? Pure awareness is an infinite space of simply being. It lies beyond the “me” shaped by thought. It holds no comparison, no division—just quiet presence. In that space, there’s no need for judgment or superiority—only the truth of being alive, right here, right now.

Ego is the self-image created by thought. Pure awareness is the transparent seeing that emerges when we release that image and simply meet what is, exactly as it is. And so, I hold this phrase close to my heart: Gently, persistently, I forgive. I do not try to change what is. I just let it be. That is the path to stillness. The path to freedom. The path back to who I truly am. And remember— the very first step is this: to forgive the part of you that says, “I can’t forgive yet.” That, too, belongs.

I hope these words may gently touch your own inner stillness. Return to them anytime you need.

Delicate branches extend organically, naturally mirroring a complex network of nerves.

Words and Photo by K E I K O