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Writer's pictureKeiko Ozeki

The Paradox of Sonomama: Embracing 'As-it-is-ness' for Personal Well-Being


While Sonomama (as-it-is-ness) practice encourages leaving thoughts and feelings as they are, it significantly enhances personal well-being by promoting calmness, awareness, and effective stress management. It’s a paradox! I want to emphasize that you should not chase calmness, awareness, or anything else. You want to be you as you are at the moment. If you chase them, they won’t come to you. Please remember that this practice is paradoxical. 😂Also, this practice comes with challenges, such as managing initial mental restlessness and anxiety. It is absolutely challenging to leave these negative or uncomfortable thoughts and feelings as they are. However, Leaving uncomfortable thoughts and feelings as they are can ironically help overcome these challenges.😂 What a paradox! This is a real secret about this practice. From now on, I am trying to share this secret, the paradox of SONOMAMA.


One of the most important keys is not to deny but not engage in thoughts and feelings. Our brain has an automatic system that engages with thoughts and feelings, especially negative ones. Because we often believe our thoughts define us, leaving them and not engaging with them is very difficult. Arising thoughts and feelings is a natural human function, so you do not want to deny them regardless of how negative or positive you see them. When you deny your thoughts, you are judgmental about your thoughts and feelings. Instead, to build healthy relationships with your mind and heart, leaving thoughts and emotions as they are and not engaging is the first step forward. You want to be you as you are. As we get used to this practice, it becomes easier in many situations.


Reacting to things, thoughts, and emotions in a certain way creates your patterns in responding to situations. Our responses differ based on our personal histories and experiences. For example, reactions to racial diversity differ between countries like Japan and the United States due to different histories and social contexts. Our brains develop responses based on past experiences, creating deep patterns like ruts in a road. For example, repeatedly engaging with a victim mindset deepens these ruts, making them harder to change. To avoid this, we must prevent ourselves from the ruts we have already created. Engagement with thoughts can be dangerous as it reinforces these deep patterns, making them harder to break. So, in order to be liberated from your ruts, Leave your thoughts as they are and not engage with them.


“We humans sometimes need to learn from dogs.

Don’t pick it up,

leave it, 

and 

keep going.”

—K E I K O O


Sometimes, we engage with our thoughts and feelings, but we must pay a cost for it. For example, I recently dealt with a subscription issue with a company. Even after the company conversation, I was frustrated and engaged with my stressful thoughts and emotions.  Because I engaged with my frustration, I paid the cost of increased stress. I wouldn’t have dealt with the aftermath if I hadn’t engaged. you might want to recognize the cost of engaging with thoughts and emotions and choose wisely if you have a choice😂😂😂


Lastly, as always, I emphasize that sitting is being you as you are at the moment. Even if you are upset, angry, frustrated, or anxious, that's the way you are now. If you can take a moment, those feelings will disappear on their own. That’s why you can be you without worrying too much. For example, even if I'm angry and dislike this anger, it will eventually disappear without intervention. Poking at it is like scratching a healing scar, which only makes it worse. Patience could be required for some people, but knowing this should help us wait.



Words and Photography by K E I K O


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