by: emily
We've had two examples in the last month that really exemplifies the power of the Talking Piece.
The first was a large group that was in conflict. The first time we sat with them -- the previous year, not in circle -- only 3 people (out of 40) spoke. This is where the hottest conflict was and the remaining 37 watched. The onlookers likely didn't speak for a number of reasons: fear, resignation, couldn't get a word in edgewise... The first time we held a large-group circle, instead of a large group conversation without a talking piece, the speaking dynamics resembled that first conversation, but it felt different at the same time. With the Talking Piece passing through each person's hand, we heard 4 comments, 34 "passes," and watched 2 people pass the Talking Piece without a word. "Good!," I thought, "More voices!" A few circles later, the Talking Piece moved slower through the space, and we had nearly 30 people contribute something of substance, about 8 "passes," and 2 silent passes. In the last circle we kept, nearly everyone said something in cirlce. It was still hot, hot, hot (in terms of conflict), but many more poeple were contributing to the conversations to cool the flames. At the end of the last circle, we finished our closing ceremony and one of the main participants in the conflict asked if they could say one more thing. Jabali said, "Why don't you pick up the Talking Piece and ask the group?" They asked the group and passed the Talking Piece. The group agreed. The person suspended the Talking Piece and expressed further frustration about what was happening in the group. The group fell back into the 3-4 voices in a back-and-forth argument. The rest of the group watched. "Ah!," I thought! "This is what happens when we aren't in circle!" We waited for a moment to interject and suggested they take a break and return to the conversation in circle. Balance in the space was restored.
The second was a healing circle with about 12 people. We had already been running late, the group was trickling in, and folks were moving slowly. A couple walked in together and one of the people was sharing their story of how hard the last few days had been for them. They were a captivating story-teller, and the group's attention shifted almost immediately. Their story was heart-breaking and wove throrugh many smaller stories. After 5 minutes or so, it felt like we needed to start the circle, but it was hard to interject, as the person's story carried so much pain and there wasn't a clear point to cut in. We were all pulled in. We let it go on for a bit longer as Wesley and I made eyes at each other. Finally, Wesley gently interrupted, "Would it be ok with you if we began the circle?" They agreed agreed. As we began the circle and everyone began to share, a natural balance began to emerge. We heard and held the collective grief in a more holistic way. Each person's share was painful, but it was balanced in the context of the whole. And, a larger conversation emerged where everyone was connected.
For me, both of these examples illustrated a similar thing, with slightly different implications. In the first, everyone is responsible for the well-being of the community. There is group accountability, but it is hard to find one's resposibility when power dynamics are playing out in communication patterns. In the second, everyone had pain to share about the situation, but it's hard to share when one person is going through so much and there's not a clear way for the conversation to move to the whole.
A circle that Kay held once was 2 rounds: "What is the value of using the Talking Piece?" and "What is the value of not using the Talking Piece?" I appreciated this framing because there is no right/wrong in using the Talking Piece (or not!); however, when we privilege one form of communication, we lose out on the value of other ways of communicating.
The Talking Piece asks and invites all of us to participate in the space and helps keep balance. In a dominant culture that privilieges communication of a weighty few, it's meaningful and connective to drop into a different kind of space where all voices are heard.
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