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The Root of Optional Suffering: Embracing Life Without Resistance

Writer's picture: Keiko OzekiKeiko Ozeki

Have you ever wondered why so much of our suffering feels heavier than it should? While pain is an inevitable part of life, most human suffering is optional. It arises not from the circumstances we face but from how we relate to them.


When we resist what life offers, we create a disconnection from the vital aspects of life, for example, friends, family, community, nature, and, fundamentally, ourselves. If we cannot connect with ourselves, it becomes impossible to connect with anything else. Human beings are creatures that inherently seek connection. Most human suffering stems from this disconnection.


This suffering is essentially caused by our resistance to what is, creating a relentless cycle of pushing and pulling against our experiences—clinging and aversion. For example, when you feel angry, you may feel disconnected from your heart. When you feel anxious, you are disconnected from peace. These are forms of optional suffering—patterns of endlessly pushing and pulling. It’s an energy-consuming way of being. Remarkably, it is said that 95% of suffering can be alleviated by allowing experiences to unfold without resistance and embracing them as they are.


The Practice of As-It-Is-Ness (SONOMAMA)

This practice, known as “as-it-is-ness” (SONOMAMA) in Zen, invites us to become intimate with reality. It encourages us to soften our grip on control and accept the present moment as it is. By doing so, we reconnect with the wholeness of life and find relief from unnecessary suffering.


True Freedom

True freedom lies in the way we meet our experiences. Meet reality as it is. It is the fundamental nature of reality. When we release resistance and allow life to flow as it is (SONOMAMA), we reclaim the peace and love inherent in the present moment. By embracing life with openness, we reconnect with ourselves and discover the profound sense of well-being that is always available. From this place of connection, compassion and appreciation naturally arise.


An Invitation

Perhaps the next time you feel resistance creeping in, you can be still, pause, take a breath, and gently ask yourself: What if I simply let this moment be?

Let’s build our muscles to be still, slow down, and leave things as they are—SONOMAMA—together.


Words and Photo by K E I K O
Words and Photo by K E I K O

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