Have you ever felt trapped by your past, unsure how to move forward? True transformation begins with one essential practice: embracing the present moment just as it is (sonomama). The Japanese concept of sonomama—being with life as it is—forms the foundation for growth. Paired with as-it-is-ness, the practice of accepting reality without resistance or judgment, these principles guide us through three distinct stages of transformation: Victimhood, Survival, and Thriving.
If you’re curious about the deeper mechanisms behind victim mentality and its impact on how we perceive reality, you might enjoy our related blog post, Shedding the Victim Label. It explores how ingrained patterns of blame and helplessness keep us stuck and offers insights into shifting toward a more empowered state.
This post builds on those ideas and focuses on practical steps to move through the stages of transformation using the lens of sonomama.
Step 1: Victimhood
“I am a victim; you are the perpetrator.”
Imagine you’ve just been fired from your job. At first, the shock feels overwhelming. Thoughts like “Why me? How could this happen?” dominate your mind, leaving you paralyzed by fear and uncertainty. The loss feels like it defines your worth and future, and you might blame your boss, coworkers, or even yourself.
In this stage, we feel powerless, defined by the harm caused by others or circumstances. Pain, betrayal, or injustice can feel all-consuming, like being caught in a storm with no escape.
Yet, healing begins when we allow ourselves to acknowledge the reality of our suffering without resistance. As-it-is-ness invites us to pause and hold space for these emotions—not to wallow in them, but to witness them fully. This simple act of acceptance plants the seeds for change.
From this space of acknowledging your pain, the journey toward survival begins. Here, you move from feeling powerless to discovering your inner strength.
Step 2: Survival
"I am not a victim; I am a survivor."
Survival marks the turning point. Here, the narrative shifts from “This happened to me” to “I have the strength to overcome this.” Imagine the initial shock of losing your job—uncertainty and self-doubt may overwhelm you. But then, you pause and radically accept what has happened. Instead of dwelling on the loss, you ask yourself: “What is possible?”
This acceptance becomes the foundation for action. You start updating your resume, reaching out to your network, and applying for new opportunities. While the uncertainty hasn’t disappeared, each small step builds confidence and momentum, reminding you of your capacity to navigate challenges.
At this stage, as-it-is-ness means meeting your reality without resistance. By radically accepting the situation as it is, you tap into your inner resilience and say, “I can move forward, even in this challenging moment.” Staying grounded in the present allows you to shift your energy from focusing on what’s lost to exploring what’s possible. With each step forward, you open the door to rebuild and begin anew.
Step 3: Thriving
“I am a survivor AND a thriver.”
Thriving is where transformation blossoms. Imagine that, months after losing your job, you’ve found a new role that not only matches your skills but also reignites your passion. The storm has passed, and you step into a brighter path, stronger and wiser for having endured the challenge.
At this stage, you reflect on how the experience of being fired helped you grow. Perhaps you discovered a resilience you didn’t know you had or gained a deeper sense of clarity about what truly matters.
As-it-is-ness becomes second nature. You no longer resist life’s challenges or cling to past pain. Instead, you build your capacity to face your reality as it is and see each moment as an opportunity for growth. Pain transforms into wisdom, and freedom emerges from letting go of the need to control or resist. Thriving is not just about moving past adversity but embracing life with joy, purpose, and a renewed sense of self.
The Role of As-it-is-ness
Each step in this journey requires the willingness to face reality as it is—no more, no less. As-it-is-ness is the grounding force that allows us to move forward. It reminds us that we cannot change what has already happened or control what is yet to come, but we can find peace in the present.
Transformation is not a straight path. At times, you may revisit old stages, but each cycle deepens your capacity to thrive. By embracing reality, you free yourself from the weight of suffering and step into your fullest potential.
A Call to Action
Pause today and reflect: Where in your life are you resisting reality? What small step can you take to embrace it and move forward with strength? How might letting go of resistance open the door to growth?
Remember: You are not your pain. You are not your past. You are the limitless potential of this present moment. Let’s allow ourselves to choose a survivor and a thriver.
Join Inner Sanctuary, Huayruro’s meditation community, where we practice together and build the muscle of sonomama. Let’s walk this journey of transformation, presence, and peace together.
Photo and Words by K E I K O
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